When I got my first staff member, a graduate, she would come to me for the first month and ask me how to do things and I would dutifully tell her – feeling good about my knowledge and thinking I was being an accessible helpful manager. After a month she said “that’s not what you’re supposed to do, you’re supposed to ask me what I would do”. So I did that and I quickly found she knew the answer – she was coming to me for confidence not know how.
DDI research found 60% of people felt interacting with their manager damaged their self esteem – their manager didn’t remain calm and constructive, ask their opinion or clarification, or help them solve the problem – they just gave them the answers or did it for them. Further more, the managers who did these things also rated high in productivity.
When leaders become the go-to fixer, they break something bigger: Team trust, ownership, and momentum. Being supportive is great — but trying to fix everything yourself? That’s a fast track to burnout. When you jump in to solve your team’s problems, you end up clogging decision-making, taking ownership away from your team, and wearing yourself out.
But there’s a better way. Leaders who involve their teams in solving problems together build stronger, more engaged teams — and they don’t have to carry the whole load alone. This is coaching – either individual or team based.
In the Harvard Business Review, Elizabeth Lotardo, a leadership coach and author, suggests five simple questions leaders can ask to stay supportive without becoming the go-to fixer:
- What have you tried?
This encourages team members to take the first step before asking for help. After a while, your team will come to anticipate this question. - What’s getting in your way?
Helps identify blockers and patterns that might need attention. Perhaps you, as leader, can remove the obstacle without taking ownership of the entire problem. - What support do you need?
Do not add “from me.” Support can come from another leader, a teammate, an adjacent department, or an outside source. - What would you do if you were in my place?
When you solve every problem your team often does not see the effort involved. Asking this question prompts employees to take some responsibility. - What’s your next step?
Keeps momentum going and reinforces ownership.
These questions aren’t just conversation starters — they’re tools to build confidence, clarity, and collaboration.
Strategic People Group’s Leaders Coach course, assists managers coach people through the ad hoc problems they come to their leaders with, coach staff when they are not acting like they should and create an opportunity monthly to coach them through annual performance and development objectives – a great leadership opportunity!
