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Loneliness at work – a business problem!

Loneliness at work isn’t just a wellness issue. It’s a business threat — and it’s costing companies up to $300 billion a year! On a national survey of 2,000 employed Americans, Inc.com uncovered some startling statistics:

• 1 in 4 workers say they have no friends at work.
• 64% feel lonely on the job.
• 46% wish they could be closer to their coworkers — and among Gen Z, that number jumps to 60%.

• 63% say friendships at work strongly influence whether they stay with their employer.
• 71% would turn down a higher-paying job if the company culture felt cold or isolating.

1. Measure It: Use tools like the Work Loneliness Scale to identify disconnected employees before it affects performance.
2. Build Real Culture: Host team-building events, encourage casual conversations, and create space for authentic connection.
3. Lead with Empathy: Train managers to check in regularly, assign peer mentors, and help isolated employees feel supported.

Why kindness isn’t a nice to have

Stop solving your teams problems

When I got my first staff member, a graduate, she would come to me for the first month and ask me how to do things and I would dutifully tell her - feeling good about my knowledge and thinking I was being an accessible helpful manager. After a month she said "that's not what you're supposed to do, you're supposed to ask me what I would do".  So I did that and I quickly found she knew the answer - she was coming to me for confidence not know how. DDI research found 60% of people felt interacting with their manager damaged their self esteem - their manager didn't remain calm and constructive, ask their opinion or clarification, or help them solve the problem - they just gave them the answers or did it for them. Further more, the managers who did these things also rated high in productivity. When leaders become the go-to fixer, they break something bigger: Team trust, ownership, and momentum. Being supportive is great — but trying to fix everything yourself? That’s a fast track to burnout. When you jump in to solve your team’s problems, you end up clogging decision-making, taking ownership away from your team, and wearing yourself out. But there’s a better way. Leaders who involve their teams in solving problems together build stronger, more engaged teams — and they don’t have to carry the whole load alone. This is coaching - either individual or team based. In the Harvard Business Review, Elizabeth Lotardo, a leadership coach and author, suggests five simple questions leaders can ask to stay supportive without becoming the go-to fixer:

1. What have you tried?   This encourages team members to take the first step before asking for help. After a while, your team will come to anticipate this question.
2. What’s getting in your way?   Helps identify blockers and patterns that might need attention. Perhaps you, as leader, can remove the obstacle without taking ownership of the entire problem.
3. What support do you need? Do not add “from me.”  Support can come from another leader, a teammate, an adjacent department, or an outside source.
4. What would you do if you were in my place? When you solve every problem your team often does not see the effort involved. Asking this question prompts employees to take some responsibility.
5. What’s your next step? Keeps momentum going and reinforces ownership.

Our infatuation with four factor models of personality

A recent article tracks our long term infatuation with four factor models of personality - 2,500 years in fact! Although the causes of the personality types have changed, four or five dimension models of personality persist today. Well developed models measuring five personality dimensions are robust and can be useful for self understanding (there are plenty of four and five dimension models that haven't been well developed however and are not at all useful). However, four of the five dimensions of even the well developed models don't predict job performance - conscientiousness is the only dimensions that has predictive power that is of any practical use. In one study, after completing a personality questionnaire with four dimensions people were given the results back at random. As long as there was three things they were good at and one they weren't - they believed it was their results! A bit like a horror scope, when the definitions are broad we can see ourselves in all of them. So why do we persist with these models? It's probably linked to our brain being able to process four to five dimensions of behaviour on average. These simple questionnaires fit intuitively with the way we process information about people. Well developed personality questionnaires with more dimensions (16 - 32) have much more specific things they are measuring and these can be compared to specific requirements of the job which make them much more useful - explaining useful additional amount of differences in performance to ability tests or other measures. So if you want to use a personality measure, more complexity is worth the effort!

The power of curiosity in high stakes conversations

I have had the privilege of working with the University of Canterbury MBA Leadership paper over the last five years. One of the highlights is reading about people's leadership journeys over the course of the programme and seeing the wins from people moving from problem solving to growing their people and their capabilities. Jeff Wetzler, author of  Ask: Tap into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs in Leadership and Life, suggests when walking into high-stakes conversations are you focused on winning … or learning? If your mind’s racing with rebuttals and rehearsed lines, pause. Before you speak, do a quick “Curiosity Check.” It takes five minutes — and it can change everything. Jeff calls this a mindset reset. Instead of gearing up for battle, you shift from defensive certainty to genuine curiosity. That shift opens the door to insight, connection, and breakthrough. ​ Here’s how to do it:

1. Spot your starting point. Think of curiosity as a spectrum. On one end: “Self-Righteous Disdain,” “Confident Dismissal,” “Skeptical Tolerance.” On the other: “Cautious Openness,” “Genuine Interest,” “Fascinated Wonder.” Ask yourself: When I hit disagreement, where do I land? That awareness is your launchpad.
2. Choose your destination. Don’t try to leap from zero to zen. Just pick a mindset that’s one step closer to curiosity. Maybe you move from Confident Dismissal to Cautious Openness. That’s progress.
3. Ask better questions. What might they be struggling with? What’s not being said? How could my words land? What assumptions am I making? These questions shift your stance—and your impact.